My life.

Okay I might write a poem at some point in this post. But at the moment I am just going to vent for a little bit. It is 9:30 at night on a Sunday in the summer. I have been home all day. Doing nothing but watching gilmore girls. Yep that is in fact my life. So fun isn't it?!? Yeah….. I need to get a life. Period.  I need to do something interesting for once in my life. I need to find a passion. Something! I need to meet people. Meet guys. Something. I am thinking about tattoos… My parents would kill me though. They hate tattoos. Ugh.

She looks out the window.
Her life passing by.
Her head on her pillow.
and with a sigh she closes her eyes.
The last few days, run into her mind.
What happened.
How can this be life?
The world is bigger than this.
Her life can't just be a grain of sand.
Stuck in a pile, all the same.
None different from the other.
Stuck.
No need for identity.
No need for individuality.
Who needs to be noticed.

Well thats all i got for the moment. Bye.

As always the Sky is awake so my Mind is awake

Awake in my fear
Awake in my anger
Awake I lay in this bed
I lay on my side,
Sitting in the darkness
my thoughts bouncing
around in my head
pounding inside my brain
like they are trying to escape.
My thoughts don't want to be trapped
In utter darkness.
But still I lay motionless.
Sleep not coming.
It won't come any sooner,
then I will breath submerdged in water,
or fly into the air like a bird.
How happy that bird must feel,
not having gravity holding it to the ground.
Awake I still lay.
Thinking of the future.
Thinking of the present.
Thinking of the past.
None changing from what they are or will be.
Awake in these impending thoughts.
Awake I lay.

When I'm sick

Maybe being hit by a bus feels like this
aching breaths and painful thoughts
you only seem to think something sad,
or that makes you angry
Right now I'm thinking of you.
yes you, the one who is still here.
Somehow threw everything,
I can't seem to totally get rid of you.
You haunt me like a bad dream.
Can't you ever let me go,
just let me be free.
Free as a bird flying high
With nothing holding me back
Nothing holding me to the ground
So these are my sick thoughts
my thoughts when I am low,
when I feel like I was in a stampede.
Trampled over and over again.

life.

You are my weakness,
one nudge and I fall.
I go tumbling
to the hard ground.
I can never seem to recover.
at least not fully.
because every time I fall
it is harder to get back up.
My feet have become so weak
I can't concentrate on anything
other than that one nudge.
the one that brought me down
maybe I will get back up.
maybe it just takes time.
But I can't afford to fall,
no not anymore.
Not now.
Not ever.
I need to get stronger
I need to get away from you.
So you can't push me back down,
right when I just got up.

Random Poem that I wrote in Class

So, something has been bothering me the past few days and I needed to get it off of my chest. When I was in class we were watching some movie or more of documentary and it was incredibly boring. That being said, of course I was trying to keep myself from falling asleep. Normally I draw or just doodle on my paper, but today that wasn't really cutting it. I started writing randomly and this is what I came up with. Its kind of rough but oh well, I'm putting it on here anyway.

The puppet

I am a puppet,
my body pulled on strings.
Nothing of my own doing
trying to escape, but he pulls me back
into his arms to be kept.
But this isn't me,
it is what he wants me to be.
My master pulls the strings
and I am unable to think,
unable to decide for myself,
unable to find who I am,
without the pull of the strings.
Can I break free?
Can I even live without the strings,
holding me up onto my feet?
Will I ever be able to know?


Freedom

I am not your puppet to be played with.
You can not pull me back.
Not anymore.
I have control of my own strings now.
You can kept your thoughts to yourself,
because they don't matter to me anymore.
You have no claim over me.
Just because you used to doesn't mean,
I am commanded to come back now.
Not now that I am free from your medaling hands.
Who knew I could fly without the weight of
the strings you placed upon me.

My Reflection

You stand still on the wall.

Glaring at me with your shinny face,

Showing me all my flaws

Your gold frame shimmers when the light hits.

You seem to follow me wherever I turn.

Showing me what I am not.

My reflection you keep,

Inside your glass cover.

It is sealed and never changing.

As much as I try, you still show my reflection back at me.

New Poem. Night Time thoughts.

Silence:

Silence, what is it exactly?

Is it the absence of sound?

Or is it the way we are when we are thinking

Keeping our thoughts to ourselves.

Silence can bring inner torture or

It could be joy and realization

That the world isn’t always bad

It can show the beauty around you

When the noise stops,

Even for just a second

The world around you defogs and becomes crystal

Like those moments when you're under water

All you can hear are muffled sounds from above,

But if you just relax and look around and let the silence in

The lack of air doesn’t matter for that one moment

All you can do is feel the water surround you

Feel yourself be embraced by it.

Silence can be knowledge and it can be lack of knowledge

But how would anyone know?

The thoughts of the people around us,

Are as unknown as the future before us.

Silence is the anticipation of a kiss

Or of a big speech that could impact a world.

Silence might be scary

But being scared of the unknown won’t do anyone good.

So be brave and embrace it.